Hey, all you freaks, bad asses, those who are kickin it or whomever have, social agenda whores, apologists, antagonists, trailblazers, the mentally anemic, giants in all areas society, and general-interest motherfuckers: We got this! Look, I really appreciate the fact that you care, that you’re sorry, that the Boston Marathon bombing was just so idunno horrible. We Bostonians thank you very much (and yes, I speak for all us Bostonians – got a problem with that?), but like I said…we’re good. I’ve spent a lot of time in different cities around the world, and there is none better than Boston – I know this, too, because I grew up here, so you can stop telling me. I’m also very much aware of euphemisms such as, “the heart of America”, “the Athens of America” as well as the brown-nose accolades: “Boston’s one of the greatest cities in the world”, “America started in Boston”, “New York City is nice but Boston’s the older brother”, “Boston has the best
- universities,
- hospitals,
- sports teams,”
and everything else. Yes, we’re wicked cool people. So thanks for the flowers, the good cheer, even the hugs. We really do appreciate it. But now, just go back to making fun of the way we talk, taunting Red Sox fans, spending your money here, even visiting my alma mater across the river (someone in your party will no doubt regale the origin of the bridge’s nickname, Smoot). Because, people, we’re good. We’ve got this. So thanks.
And to all those politicians and human beings involved with the hearings down there in Washington: Take care of our boy, Davis. We’re a Commonwealth for a reason! Ask whatever questions you’d like, but at the end of the day, make sure Davis gets First Class service all around, rely on what Davis tells you is the truth and not political instinct, kick tires, read and review, consult and suppose, reconstruct, limit the argument, limit the scope, seek out and destroy all mitigating circumstances, ask for best recollections and understand where they’re coming from, step close but not over, smile and shrug. Defer, understand, recognize, bend. Go back to, make note of, speculate carefully. Keep a professional distance, indulge in professional courtesy, acquiesce, demand softly, carefully, and infrequently. And then return Davis back to us exactly as he’d left.
